The Stag
by Alpha WolfMonkey
Summary: We all think James had an easy life. He was a player and got anything he wanted. Ever thought maybe he had a weird life too? First story. R & R please. I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE SONGS OR CHARACTERS!
1. Chapter 1

Chap 1 - Who I Am

Coming from a pure blood families not always the best thing in the world. For the non-magical, pure blood is equivalent to the Muggle upper class. So many of you won't understand the expectations of a wealthy or a family that has been around for a very long time. Here they are: everyone expected you to dance well, be well muscled, extremely intelligent, athletic, and make sure you do not do anything stupid otherwise you will make the morning headlines in the Daily Prophet and you face your parents and they give you that same lecture that you are now ruining family name. My family made take dance lessons where I got kicked out for "accidentally" pulling my instructor's pants down in front of a audience of 200 during a recital. After that fiasco, my parents tried to get me to learn magic earlier than normal kids, that didn't work out so well seeing that a person can't start preforming magic until they are of the right

age, but of course my family blamed me. I never understood why, I was just a normal boy of 8, skinny with messy black hair that never seemed to listen to my mother's brutal attacks with brushes. I was a decent height, about 5' 1". But for some reason everyone in my family got me wrong. Well everyone but my grandfather. I loved my grandfather. He was the one person that kept me going. I remember when I was 7 years old and I was actually thinking about just ending the fight. He had been over that Christmas and he took one look at me. Next thing I know, he's taking me down to Diagon Alley to get some ice cream and he said "I'll be right back." He comes back with this beautiful brown Asio Clemator. He told me if I ever thought my thought again to shoot him a letter and he made it a point to tell me that he will burn the letters and their contents will die with him. After that, I named my new owl Cole, after my grandfather. So as you can see, it's not that I had done anything stupid or something, I'm 11 for Merlin's sake, it's just those stupid stereotypes that always pop up and they don't even make sense most of the time. Kids my age were just determined to think that I was just a brat who just expected everything to be handed to me on a silver platter.

Don't get me wrong. I get that I've never been deprived anything materially. Always had a roof over my head and food on my plate. I appreciate that more than I let on. But don't think for one minute that I don't know that my life is better than a lot of people in the world. Here's the thing that bugs me. Since I'm not as materialistic as all the other pure-bloods, I wish I had a better emotional connection with my family. An "I love you" more often than every two weeks would be a definite improvement. At least a "Good morning son" would be really nice. Simple things really but they mean the world to me.

On top of my family issues, I never really had a friend. I tried my hardest to prove to everyone I actually happened to be a good guy. I know I was the black sheep of the family right next to my grandfather. Is it really wrong to have my opinion on things? All the other pure blood kids were nutters, always talking about how all the Muggles have to be killed and how they had stole the secrets of magic from us wizards. Like really? Thats just about the stupidest thing I have ever heard. The half blood kids always talked about how the pure blood kids are wrong, but when I agree with them they just push me away. I don't get it. It's been 14 years and I still don't get it.

When I got my admission letter to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry I knew my life had changed. This letter meant my freedom. I still had a huge obstacle with my "pure-blood" status but it was helluva improvement. You may be wondering why don't I just tell people some bullshit well-concocted story. You see, the wizard population probably would have died out had the original wizards not married the non magical, Muggles, as we call them. These became the "half-bloods" or half magical blood. But not all the pure blood families agreed to spread, and so these few families became the pure-bloods which are so scarce at this point that they are ALL very well known. Good for the ones who want their affluence to be known. Bad for me.

It's been 14 years since I got that letter. I'm going into hiding with my wife and child, but I know it's futile. I'm about to die and I know it. I'm writing this so people will maybe just maybe stop judging others so quickly. I wanna leave this world knowing I made a difference. My name is James Potter. This is my story.


	2. Chapter 2

Chap 2 - Emeralds

"Do you have everything James?" said a woman. She was average height but her crystal blue with her shining blonde hair made her look like a model.

"Yes Mother! Now will you just let me get on the train! It's about to leave!" I said harshly.

"Why are you so eager to leave? I knew you aren't going to miss us at Hogwarts. I don't know where we went wrong with you." Mrs. Potter said with conviction.

"Mom! Are you really going to start this now?"

"You better soften that tone young man, I will not be spoken to that way. Now hurry up or your going to miss the train."

I just looked at her exasperatedly. I'm pretty sure I just said that. But I did not stall one bit though, and turning my cart around, I ran to the entrance on the train. Now all the compartments will be full which means I have to actually ask people whether I can join them. Great.

I started looking for open compartments but I was having no luck.

"BLACK! IF YOU EVER SPEAK TO ME AGAIN I WILL CURSE YOU TO OBLIVION!"

I looked up at the commotion up ahead to see a girl running down my direction wand whipped out as she wanted to murder someone. I saw past her and saw boy a little taller than me, black hair that was more tame than mine, but he had a wide smile on his face.

" Oh come on Natalie! You know you like me too!" he called after her. She just kept walking. I guess I found the player of the group. I just moved forward looking for a compartmentI but I found all of them were full except for one. Of course it would be with the kid Natalie had called Black.

"Can I sit here?"

"Depends. Do you want to kill Muggles or not?" he asked seriously. I did not expect that question from a guy who had just pissed off a girl to the point where he could have been cursed.

"Are you stupid?"

"Then you can sit with me mate" he responded with a warm smile his face brightening instantly.

"Thanks."

We sat there in silence for quite awhile. I just stared out at the green pastures and hills that zoomed by. I'm finally free. For the next 10 months I'm pretty much away from that place I called a "home." You can build a house, you cant build a home. Maybe the kids at Hogwarts will like me. More like hopefully.

"What house do you wanna be in?"

The question burst into my thoughts with a shock.

"Huh? Oh. Gryffindor." I responded automatically.

"You and I, my friend, are going to be great friends. The name is Sirius Black." He extended his hand out to me and I took it gingerly. I recognize that name, just don't know where.

"James Potter."

"Alright James. What's your favorite Quidditch team?"

"Puddlemore United, you?"

"Chudley Cannons" he responded with pride.

We spent the next hour debating why our teams were better. It was nice. I actually felt like Sirius was a good guy despite what happened between him and Natalie. But then the strangest thing happened. I looked over the compartment next to us and I felt my stomach tighten, my jaw drop, and my mind stop. I know I just saw an emerald. No. That's impossible. There was two of them right next to each other set on a perfect creamy white face with lips that were thin and full if thats even possible. They were looking at me. Those beautiful emeralds were staring back at me.

"James! You okay man?"

I came back hard.

"Huh?"

"Thought I had lost you for a second." Sirius was looking at me weirdly. "Anything you need to tell me buddy?"

"No I'm fine. Sorry just got... just got lost in thought." I mumbled. I looked back to find those gems but all I saw was red hair. Next to her was a greasy haired boy who was just talking. Gotta be her boyfriend.

Me and Sirius resumed our Quidditch discussion until we heard the train screeching to a halt...


	3. Chapter 3

Chap 3 - Old Feelings

"So you really like me huh?"

"I've liked you for a very long time."

"I know I always see you staring at me."

"I'm sorry."

"I think it's cute how you obsessively watch over me." She takes a step towards me.

"I..."

"Do you want to kiss me James? Do you want hold my hand? Do you want me to be yours?"

"Sarah, you just broke up with your boyfriend. You don't really want this."

"Don't you want me to be happy James? I thought you loved me." She takes another step closer. One more step and we'll be right next to each other.

"Of course, you're not thinking straight."

She takes the final step to me. She's right there...


	4. Chapter 4

Chap 4 - Sorting

"JAMES!"

I looked around wildly.

"What? Huh? What did I miss?"

"Jeez man, you definitely got something on your mind."

I looked to see Sirius looking at me again, but not the same look as before, but of concern.

"Sorry mate, just... just remembered something." I said nervously.

Sirius didn't look convinced.

"I'm not a complete nutter I promise."

"Awesome! The semi-crazy dude! As I said, we gonna be the best of friends." He smiled as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder. "Let me give you a run down. Okay so we about to get sorted. It's alphabetical by last name so I'm before you."

"First years, please follow me."

I looked up to see a teacher at the front of the line.

"You will be quiet as you wait for your name to be called. As soon as you are assigned you will go to your table and after a speech from Professor Dippet, your Headmaster, you will have dinner then follow your house prefect to your common room." He winked at us all over his half-moon spectacles. "Remember. We all have a choice."

The giant doors in front of us opened and we all began to file in nervously. When we all stopped we all looked a ahead to see a shabby black hat sitting on the stool in front of the other teachers.

"Alpine, Robert!"

A small squeaky little boy stepped up and looked around. I guess he didn't know what to do. The professor who walked us in walked to him and sat him down on the stool, then put the hat on him. Moments later...

"HUFFLEPUFF!"

The sorting ceremony was boring at best. Sirius was put in Gryffindor like he had wanted. But that was the most interesting part really. Well until her name was called out.

"Evans, Lily!"

The girl with red hair and beautiful green eyes walked up to the hat. Curiously she just touched it and the Sorting Hat yelled, "GRYFFINDOR!"

My heart jumped. We may actually be in the same house. All of a sudden, the professor had said that we always have a choice... did he mean in the Sorting? I waited eagerly for my turn and then...

"Potter, James!"


	5. Chapter 5

Chap 5 - In My Head

I walked up slowly. Everyone was watching me and it annoyed me a little. Why couldn't this be done privately. Like seriously? Well. I'm a Gryffindor. With that I put the hat on.

"Ah a troublesome man. Lonely yet a fight in you. Hidden talents that you don't know of and what's this? Love? At this age? Strange. Well of course one loves his family but... This is love for a partner. Intelligent yes but also resourceful. a humble attitude and care for others. My boy, you could go into any house. Let's see the best for you would be..."

"GRYFFINDOR!"

I took off the hat with shaking hands. He put me in Gryffindor. He said I had found love for my partner. Lily? Really? I truly love her? They say you can't hide anything from the Sorting Hat so it can't have been lying. I wanna ask it some questions. What hidden talents do I have? Who do I love? I pondered this all the way to my seat next Sirius. He was talking to another boy. Remus I heard him called but all I did was look for Lily. Lily... What a beautiful name...


	6. Chapter 6

Chap 6 - Transfiguration

After the ceremony and dinner we all went to our rooms. Naturally me and Sirius, who was rapidly becoming my best friend, stayed in the same room. Remus tagged along with us. The 4th person in our room was a short pudgy little boy by the name of Peter Pettigrew. We sat talking for an hour but then decided to go to bed.

The next morning, professor Dumbledore handed us our schedules. My roommates had all gotten all our classes together which was absolutely brilliant. I love this school already. My first class was Herbology. Not in the least bit interesting. Really, my day only got interesting in my last class for the day: Transfiguration. Our teacher was none other than Professor Dumbledore.

"Good morning first years. I first wish to welcome you to Hogwarts but I will not give you a lecture as all your other teachers did."

Thank Merlin. I had heard the same speech 4 times that day. Quite aggravating.

"Instead I wish to introduce you to Fawkes"

The podium next to him instantly caught on fire and we all jumped and started yelling. A second later we realized a bird had appeared where the fire once was. Its plumage was crimson and it's beak golden. I gotta say, it was one damn good looking bird.

"Does anyone know what Fawkes is? Yes Ms. Evans?"

My head whipped around and there she was. She was in my class!

"A Phoenix sir."

"Excellent. 10 points to Gryffindor. Yes Fawkes is a Phoenix..."

The rest became a blur. I just focused on that perfect creamy skin and those lips... even her nose was perfectly shaped. She was absolutely perfect...

"Mr. Potter, can you please tell me why does a Phoenix die when his master dies?"

I had no idea... I could feel everyone's eyes on me.

"I... Uh... The only thing I could think of sir is loyalty."

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled as he nodded his head. "Yes, a Phoenix, although is reborn from his ashes, will die when his master does because he will serve no other."

The rest of class we discussed why and how we would use Transfiguration in the real world. We was the wrong term. The rest of class THEY discussed was Transfiguration. Me? Well by now you should know what I was thinking about. What I thought about were those eyes. I still couldn't get them out of my head.


	7. Chapter 7

Chap 7 - One Kiss

"Come on James. Kiss me. You know you want to."

"Sarah... this doesn't feel right. You just broke up with your boyfriend. You're hurt. Kissing me isn't going to make it better."

"Do you want to date me?"

"Yes." I said instantly. I didn't care if I sounded desperate.

"Then kiss me."

I leaned in and kissed her as if I were possessed. The girl I had waited for the last two years. I was finally kissing her.


	8. Chapter 8

Chap 8 - The First Step

"Alright man. Spill. Remus and Peter are out of the room. What's been bugging you?"

It's been one month since I arrived at Hogwarts. I was still lost on my past and on Lily. I hadn't told anyone whats been going on in my head because well, I finally just found some friends. For once people were actually talking to me.

"Dude, start talking or Ima beat the hell outta ya!"

"Sirius, don't worry. It's fine."

"Shut up and start talking."

"Kind of contradictory there aren't you?"

"You know what I mean. Seriously whats been bugging you so much? You don't pay attention in class. You get lost in thought about 30 times a day. I'm worried about you man."

"Fine. The Sorting Hat told me I had found someone... someone special."

"How special is special? Is it change you world special? or hit it quit it special?"

"Pretty sure it was world changing special."

"How did it know? You are only 11."

"Cause I saw a girl on the train. I haven't been able to stop thinking about her ever since then."

"Should have figured it was some girl."

I ran to him and put my wand on his neck my eyes blazing. "She is not just some girl!"

Sirius put his hands up in surrender, and I realized what I had just done and sat down with my face in my hands.

"See. I'm nuts."

"Nah man. The Sorting Hat is just right. Like always."

I looked up at him bewildered.

"You think I'm in love?"

"Mate you just put a wand to your friend and had the rage of 1000 suns. You are in love."

I was just shocked. Am I really in love? No it can't be. I can't do it. Not after the last time. I've been hurt way to much to try this all over again.

"You have to try," Sirius said as if he knew what was going on in my head. "Whose the girl?"

"Lily Evans," I had sighed it out but the name felt wrong for some reason.

"But she probably doesn't like me back. I mean look at me. I'm a scrawny stupid guy. There are so many guys who'd want her that are much better."

"None of them will love her as much as you do. I can see that. As for your scrawniness. We can work on that," he was smirking evilly. I was not looking forward to what was about to happen.

When Sirius left the room I said,"Lily Potter."

That felt perfect.


	9. Chapter 9

Chap 8 - The First Step

"Alright man. Spill. Remus and Peter are out of the room. What's been bugging you?"

It's been one month since I arrived at Hogwarts. I was still lost on my past and on Lily. I hadn't told anyone whats been going on in my head because well, I finally just found some friends. For once people were actually talking to me.

"Dude, start talking or Ima beat the hell outta ya!"

"Sirius, don't worry. It's fine."

"Shut up and start talking."

"Kind of contradictory there aren't you?"

"You know what I mean. Seriously whats been bugging you so much? You don't pay attention in class. You get lost in thought about 30 times a day. I'm worried about you man."

"Fine. The Sorting Hat told me I had found someone... someone special."

"How special is special? Is it change you world special? or hit it quit it special?"

"Pretty sure it was world changing special."

"How did it know? You are only 11."

"Cause I saw a girl on the train. I haven't been able to stop thinking about her ever since then."

"Should have figured it was some girl."

I ran to him and put my wand on his neck my eyes blazing. "She is not just some girl!"

Sirius put his hands up in surrender, and I realized what I had just done and sat down with my face in my hands.

"See. I'm nuts."

"Nah man. The Sorting Hat is just right. Like always."

I looked up at him bewildered.

"You think I'm in love?"

"Mate you just put a wand to your friend and had the rage of 1000 suns. You are in love."

I was just shocked. Am I really in love? No it can't be. I can't do it. Not after the last time. I've been hurt way to much to try this all over again.

"You have to try," Sirius said as if he knew what was going on in my head. "Whose the girl?"

"Lily Evans," I had sighed it out but the name felt wrong for some reason.

"But she probably doesn't like me back. I mean look at me. I'm a scrawny stupid guy. There are so many guys who'd want her that are much better."

"None of them will love her as much as you do. I can see that. As for your scrawniness. We can work on that," he was smirking evilly. I was not looking forward to what was about to happen.

When Sirius left the room I said,"Lily Potter."

That felt perfect.


	10. Chapter 10

Chap 10 - Success but Failure

Sirius and I walked up the stairs to the 6th floor. Sirius had been scouting Snape. Apparently he passes in this hall everyday at 2 pm. Sirius took advantage of this and set up the broom cupboard with 20 Dungbombs. I would stand inside and pull Snape in, get out, lock him in. Good plan? No. What we hadn't accounted for was maybe, just maybe, Lily could quite possibly be with him.

I waited and as soon as the Detector went off I reached out of the door pulled Snape in. He was heavy, well until I heard a scream as I locked the door.

LILY!

I unlocked the door quickly but the Dungbombs had already gone off.

SHIT!

I quickly pulled them out as the smell of manure filled my nose. They spluttered as the smell stained their clothes. Then they saw me.

"Potter!" Snape growled

"I'm sorry... I thought... I thought you were Sirius!"

Maybe that could work...

"You don't think I know your game Potter! I saw Black following me for the past week!"

"Severus, it's not what you think," I said lamely. This was not going good. It got worse.

"Potter, why would you hurt my boyfriend!"

FUCK!

"I...I..."

"You are such an ass Potter. You think you are so cool cause you have a shit load of money. Well let me tell you this. You are garbage. It's people like you that turned the world this way."

The rich comment had stung. I've heard that for years.

"Lily, please... Lily..."

"Shut up!" She screamed it so everyone heard. "Come on Sev. Let's go."

They turned and walked away. I feel like someone just took a broom and rammed it into my stomach.

"Tough luck man..." Sirius had walked up from behind me.


	11. Chapter 11

Chap 12 - Chess

"James can you get me my books from my locker?"

"Of course love."

I got up and went to her locker. I came back 20 minutes later.

"Thank you baby," she kissed me on my cheek.

I just smiled at her and continued the game of chess with my buddy, Andrew. He was good. I was better.

"Alright, well say goodbye to your knight Drew."

I didn't notice him looking at Sarah and her smirking back at him. I just continued to smile. Life was good.


	12. Chapter 12

Chap 12 - Chess

"James can you get me my books from my locker?"

"Of course love."

I got up and went to her locker. I came back 20 minutes later.

"Thank you baby," she kissed me on my cheek.

I just smiled at her and continued the game of chess with my buddy, Andrew. He was good. I was better.

"Alright, well say goodbye to your knight Drew."

I didn't notice him looking at Sarah and her smirking back at him. I just continued to smile. Life was good.


	13. Chapter 13

Chap 13 - Family Love

It was Christmas and I was back home. Me and Sirius had become the stars of the school after what we had done to Snape. Me and Sirius planned prank after prank and landed in detention a lot of the time. Luckily I was smart enough to manage my classes. The only thing wrong was Lily and that I was home for break. I stayed in my room most of the time. Then I got a letter from Sirius.

"Hey James,

Hope you been alright. My family is pretty bad. Upset I'm not in Slytherin of course but I couldn't care less. I was wondering if you wanted to meet up in Diagon Alley? Remus said he'd join us and so did Peter. So you wanna come?

Sirius"

"Hey mom?"

"Yes?" She didn't even look at me. I had put up a fight when she told me to come home.

"Can I go to Diagon Alley to meet with my friends?"

"No girls?"

"No." I swear she thought girls were like a virus.

"Promise? Look James. I'm trusting you. I've given up a lot for you. I don't want all my hard work to go to waste just because of your stupidity."

"Yes mom. There are not gonna be any girls."

"Then you may go."

"Thanks mom." I looked straight at her. She was reading her book again. "I love you."

"Mhm."

I don't know why I even bother. I wrote back to Sirius and said I could come. We planned to meet that Saturday.


	14. Chapter 14

Chap 14 - The Necklace

It was Saturday. I had spent the last couple days writing letters to my friends. I sent Cole off a lot and made sure to reward him with a lot of treats when he got back every trip. There was one letter I was scared to send. The one to Lily. I don't know she'll react so I figure I'll just keep writing whenever I felt like it and maybe one day I'll get the chance to give them to her. So I poured my soul into the letters and sent them to my grandfather who stored them in his bank vault at Gringotts. Have I mentioned how much I love my grandfather?

It was 12. The group wasn't supposed to meet until 1 but I wasn't doing anything so I just went to my fireplace threw the floo powder into the flames and yelled:

"The Leaky Cauldron!"

The trip didn't take that long seeing as how I live about 10 minute walk away so I swept right in and sat down after ordering a Butterbeer. I always left early so I could escape my family. An hour later, Sirius popped out of the fire, followed by Remus, and lastly Peter. We all greeted each other appropriately meaning man hugs for Sirius and Remus and a handshake for Peter.

"Let's go!"

We all walked out, tapped the bricks and walked into Diagon Alley.

"I wanna go look at broomsticks. Gotta get a decent one for try-outs next year."

"Alright we'll all go."

We all made our way through the crowd to the broomstick shop. As we walked something shiny caught my eye. I went to take a look. It was a simple silver necklace with a beautiful emerald. An emerald that reminded my of Lily's eyes. This had Lily all over it. I bought it without thought. As I walked out I heard yelling

"JAMES! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU MATE?"

"Right here..."

Sirius just turned around and saw me right behind him.

"Where were... What's that...?"

"A necklace?"

"OMG your gay?"

"No you dolt. It's for someone."

"Can I see it?" Remus looked curious so I showed it to him.

"I can see why you bought it for her. It got her name all over it."

"That's what I thought."

Sirius was just looking between us. He looked extremely confused.

"Who are we talking about here?"

"You really are the stupid one huh Sirius?"

"Hey, I'm only 11 give me a break."

Remus just rolled his eyes and said, "It's for Lily stupid."

Sirius looked at the emerald and it dawned upon him.

"Her eyes. Jeez James. Are you insane? You can't give her that. She doesn't like you remember?"

"Not yet. I'll give it to her when the time is right."

Remus looked impressed. "James you are one romantic."

"It's not me. As much as I'd like to take credit for it I can't. My heart told me that she would love it so I did." Yeah and my heart told me about Sarah where did that leave me?

"Still. I'm quite impressed."

"Thanks." that's all I could say. My thought were full of Sarah again.

Sirius looked like he was gonna vomit.

"Can we go now. I wanna look at brooms."

I just smiled. "Fine. We'll look at brooms."

I ruffled his hair, and in Sirius' childishness I forgot my thoughts entirely. I loved my new friends.


	15. Chapter 15

Chap 15 - Training

We went to plenty of stores. After a few hours we decided to go home. We said goodbye to Remus and Peter. Just as Sirius was about to go I stopped him.

"Hey Sirius?"

"Wassup buddy?"

"You know I can't take this home with me right?"

"Want me to hold on to it."

"Sorry but I don't trust your family..."

"Agreed."

"Could you mail it to my grandfather?"

"That simple?"

"Well he's been keeping letters for me..."

I looked away at this.

"What letters?"

"Ones I have written to Lily but haven't posted yet."

"Remus is right. You are a romantic you pansy!" He started laughing. "No worries mate. I'll send as soon as I get home."

"Thanks." I smiled at him and handed the package to him.

"See you in a couple weeks man."

Just like that he vanished into the flames. I went to my house. I was thinking of Lily all the way through. When I landed in my room I switched into more comfortable clothes, opened my books and starting to learn spells to hurt anyone who would hurt my flower. I had borrowed books off of my 7th year friend who actually kept all his books. He was going to give me year 2 books but I wanted real spells. So I asked for year 6. In the back there was a list for all these spells I've known just never used. Stunning spells were my main focus but there was on spell I had to learn and it was also the one that caused me the most grief. You can stun anything, but how do you practice a Protection charm? I'll have to had Remus help me with that. I was in the middle of my daily stun routine when I heard my mum yelling for me.

"Here we go," I mumbled and walked downstairs.

"James Stephen Potter! Have you grown up so much that you have no need to tell your mother when you have left or are home?"

"I figured you would know with me telling you four days ago and hearing the fire roaring as I left."

"Don't act smart with me. You know I don't remember these things! You should tell me!"

"You don't remember where your son is going to be? I thought that would be on the top of your list considering Jack is the only one who works."

"What did you say?" She took one step and slapped me. "I've brought you so far. Look at the house you live in now! Why? Because of me! Learn to respect me young man."

"Yes mother."

"Don't "yes mother" me. I don't know what I'd did to deserve a child like you."

Yeah. I'm too good for the likes of you.

"Go. Don't show me your face."

Yay. No dinner for me tonight. I just walked up stairs and resumed my training. I decided to extend my training hours. This was more important anyway.


	16. Chapter 16

Chap 16 - The Letter

Hey Lily,

It's funny. Right now you hate me. I'm writing this and I don't even know who you are. I don't know. Theres just something about you that tells me that I can trust you. Then again this has happened to me before. So much for learning from our mistakes huh? Have you ever made a mistake that you'll never forgive yourself for? I've made one. Before I tell you that mistake I need to explain some things. For a very long time I've craved for someone to love me. My family hasn't exactly been stable so I've had to look elsewhere. In my weakness I "fell" for someone. Her name was Sarah. I've been told it's not smart to tell your current girlfriend about your past ones. I don't believe in that. I believe you should know everything about me. Then you can make your decision. So here I go.

My parents sent me to a Muggle middle school. There I met two people who pretty much became my life. Sarah and Andrew. When I was in the 4th grade Sarah just broke up with her boyfriend. She knew I liked her from the start so she came to me. We kissed and that marked the beginning of us. Stupid right? 4th grade and I thought I was in love. What I didn't realize was she was just using me. I was whipped beyond belief. One day she had asked me to get her textbooks. Normal routine for me except it was a Wednesday so she should have had all her books. I walked back to ask what book she needed only to find her making out with Andrew, my best friend at the time. I just ran. My heart was torn. I broke up with her the next day and started ditching class in order to avoid seeing them. They never tried to look for me.

I'm not looking for pity. I just thought you should know why I am who I am. I want you to know me better than anyone. Sirius doesn't and won't ever know about her. I just feel you are special. I hope you are well.

I love you,

James


	17. Chapter 17

Chap 17 - Determination

The rest of the school year was a bore. With me practicing advanced magic I found myself in that awkward position where you know more than your classmates but you have to do the mundane simple stuff like the rest of them. My final exams came and I passed all of my classes with ease.

As for Lily. She still hated me. My heart still begged to be with her so, naturally, I made myself more of an idiot in front of her which, in turn, her hate me more. I tried everything. Trying to talk to her was a mess since my tongue decided to lose all feeling when I was in front of her. She detested pranks, which I loved. Oh and her best friend was Natalie. Remember her? That's the girl Sirius pissed off on the train. Lovely right?

At this point I realized that I'm going to be waiting for a long time. I'm ready for it. If not tomorrow, I will have her in my arms. She will say she loves me. She will be Mrs. Potter.


	18. Chapter 18

Chap 18 - Summer

When I got home for summer I was in for a huge surprise.

"I'm home!"

"Hello James." My grandad just smiled at me.

"GRANDAD!" I ran to him and gave him a hug. "You weren't supposed to be here for another month."

"Had to reset my priorities. How are you?"

"I'm good. I passed full marks in everything but Transfiguration."

"WHAT!"

Shit. Mom.

"You didn't get 100% in all of your classes?"

"Mom it was one class."

"Yes, and one will become two then three and soon you will be held back a year!"

I have no idea where she gets these ideas.

"You are grounded young man! Now up to your room and start studying."

"Yes mam."

"I'll come with you James." My grandad got up and followed me.

I was grateful. Summers would be unbearable without him there. When I got to my room, I started unpacking my books.

"Did they make make classes harder at Hogwarts?"

"Huh?"

He lifted one of the textbooks I had just pulled out of my trunk, "When I was in school we used this book in our 6th year."

I blushed I couldn't help it. I knew my grandad knew why I had it.

"No... I just borrowed it from a friend."

"This wouldn't happen to be about this girl you like, what was her name? Lily?"

"Yes and yes."

I looked down.

"James. I read the letters."

"I didn't seal them."

"You seem to really like this girl. Why?" He gave me such a penetrating stare.

"I... She's got these eyes. That's what got me first. Then. Well I know I don't know her personally but... She seems like she's a fighter. She doesn't follow me like all the other girls... She... She just... She's just special." I finished lamely.

"I see."

"I'm sorry grandad."

"My boy why are you sorry?"

"You probably think I'm shallow or something."

"I think your mother is shallow. Not you."

I looked at him.

"Just be careful. I don't want to see you go through what you did with Sarah."

"Thanks grandad." I hugged him. I loved my grandad.


	19. Chapter 19

Chap 19 - Muggle Music

I was on platform 9 3/4 boarding the train. Summer was over and thankfully my grandad convinced my mother that me and him alone would be enough to handle the "burden of dropping James off at the station". I said bye to my grandfather and headed inside the train. I found Remus and Sirius already in a compartment.

"BUDDY!"

I grinned.

"Sirius!"

"Oh shit James you got something in your ear! One sec I'll get it!"

I used my arms to shield myself.

"RELAX! They're headphones. My parents got me a laptop for Christmas and an IPod for my birthday."

"A whose a what its?"

"Plays music into my ears."

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Lily but without Snape. My hand went straight up to my hair.

"James!"

"Huh?"

"What are listening to?"

"Whispers in the Dark by Skillet. You probably don't know them. Muggle band."

I was watching Lily. When I had said the song name I knew she could hear me. I looked directly at her so she knew I had dedicated that song to her in my head. If she didn't know it she would listen to it. I know it. You could see it in her eyes.

"Lemme listen. What's so good bout Muggle bands?"

"Me too."

I helped Sirius and Remus with the headphones and they started to listen from the start.

The train had started when the song ended. Sirius looked dumbfounded and Remus was just smiling.

"Guess that what's so good about Muggle bands..." Sirius mumbled.

"I'm assuming you have more of these songs? Same general meaning?"

"Yeah."

"James. You know you could get any girl you want? They love guys who can put his heart on his sleeves."

I just looked at Remus. I thought he understood. I just put both my headphones into my ears and ignored him.

"I guess you do."

I looked at the compartment next to us. I saw a flash of green. Lily had been looking at me. No not just looking, staring! In her lap was a, if I'm not mistaken, a laptop. SHE HAD LOOKED UP THE SONG! My spirits just rose. I felt like I was flying.


	20. Chapter 20

Chap 20 - Transfiguration

Back at school, classes resumed but I was bored. I knew it was good to learn basics but I wanted to be practicing the advanced stuff. Only Transfiguration I was having issues with. Professor Dumbledore called me into his office one day.

"Professor you requested to see me?"

""Ah, Mr. Potter. Please sit down." He beckoned to the seat across from him. Naturally I went to go sit down.

"Mr. Potter, I noticed you seem to be having some difficulty in my class. I have spoken to other professors and they are shocked to hear this because, according to them, you seem bored in their classes and put no effort towards them. I'm curious to know why this is not so in my class."

"Well sir... I just seem to be better at other classes."

"Yes but I do believe that your wand is made for Transfiguration correct?"

I remember what Olivander had said about my wand.

"Yes sir."

"Very well. Then let me ask you, what kinds of Transfiguration would you like to preform?"

I thought hard but I couldn't think of anything. Then I remembered why I was self teaching magic. Lily. Then it clicked.

"I'd like to change my own appearance sir."

"You understand that is the most difficult kind of Transfiguration?"

"Yes sir." I said it firmly. If I could change my own appearance I could protect Lily with no restraint. I would not use it to trick her into loving me. I must protect Lily.

"Very well. From today forth I'd like you to come to my office every Friday at, oh let's say, 5? I shall begin to tutor you."

I just stared at him. I was going to be tutored by the greatest wizard in magical history.

He smiled. "Dismissed."


	21. Chapter 21

Chap 21 - Unsent Letter #6

Hey Lily,

I know I've said it before but I can't believe it's 2nd year already. It's been a month and already some major stuff has been going on.

You still hate me, but on the train ride I think you realized that I do have feelings for you, whether you think it's real or not is not shown. "Whispers in the Dark" is really how I feel. No matter what I will be here waiting for you. If you need a shoulder to cry on mine is always available.

On top of that, Dumbledore is going to tutor me in Transfiguration. How insane is that? The greatest wizard of our time is going to me? Of all people?

Sirius has a girlfriend now. He likes her but I think there someone haunting him. Not the same way Sarah is haunting me though.

I don't know if you have noticed by Remus is ALWAYS disappearing on the night of a full moon. Actually he disappears the night before and returns the night after. I wonder what it means. I'm sure he would tell us if it was something important.

Well that's it for now. I hope you having a good time at Hogwarts.

Love you,

James


	22. Chapter 22

Chap 22 - Hands and Maps

"Attention students"

Everyone stopped. Sirius, Remus, Peter, and I were walking to DODA and were shocked when Professor Dippet's voice came through.

"This year, a group of your classmates have created a Dueling Club. If you would like to join please register with your Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Thank you."

Dueling club. I've been practicing with my friends but that was not a challenge. This could give me the practice I've been looking for.

"You guys wanna do it?"

Sirius and Remus nodded and smiled at me.

"What?"

"Well it gonna be funny when a 2nd year takes out a 6 or 7th year."

I grinned at the idea. I couldn't get too cocky though. I'll have start with 4th years so I can learn as many new spells as possible. Peter looked uncomfortable with the idea though.

"Peter you don't have to you know?"

"Thanks James. I'm not the best with dueling you know."

In fact he was terrible. He spells failed to do anything to me when they hit me. I think he gets really nervous so that's why.

We all continued to class and signed up for the club. The first meeting was one week from today. As I walked away I saw Lily walking up with Snape to sign up. It wasn't. Her signing up that was bugging me. It was that they were holding hands. That son of a bitch was holding my Lily's hands.

"James what's wrong?"

I just kept staring. Sirius followed my gaze and saw Lily and Snape.

"Shit."

I wanted to curse him right there but the professor was there. I'd get him later. Sirius just gripped my shoulders and turned me to my desk. I saw Lily look at me. As soon as she did, I realized she wasn't with him by choice. Her eyes were begging for me to save her. Save her I would. I spent the class period planning with Sirius and Remus.

"Here's the problem. We won't know where he is."

Remus seemed deep in thought. He raised his hand.

"Professor?"

"Yes Mr. Lupin?"

"I was curious to know is there anyway to track a person magically? Let's say you love someone and want to know where they are? So you make a map. How do you track that person?"

I saw the true question and I looked straight at Lily and she was looking back at me. I silently thanked Remus.

"Well Mr. Lupin I do not see how that relates to this subject..."

"Please sir, isn't prevention the best kind of defense?"

The professor looked at Remus thoughtfully. "Yes, I suppose it is. The best way to do that kind of a tracking is to use a Point Me Charm along with a Tracking Charm."

"Sir, what if you have multiple people in a building. If you cast the spell on the building will it track track everyone in it?"

"Theoretically yes. You see a Tracking Charm only tracks living objects."

"Thank you professor."

"Yes, now back to our topic, wand movement..."

"Remus what are you thinking?"

"We make a map that tracks everyone inside Hogwarts."


	23. Chapter 23

Chap 23 - Practice Run

It's been a week, and Sirius, Remus and I were heading to the Great Hall for the first dueling club meeting.

"Welcome to the dueling club. The first will be the slowest because we must demonstrate the proper way to duel but future meetings you will walk in pick a partner and duel to your hearts content."

They proceeded to show us dueling etiquette for an hour. Finally they let us duel after telling us:

"Students will pair up with others in their SAME year. If you wish to challenge an older opponent please see Professor Dumbledore."

I went straight to Dumbledore. He smiled as he saw me approach.

"I knew of be seeing you. What year would you like to challenge?"

"4th."

"Hmm... Mr. Malfoy. Please duel Mr. Potter."

A boy with blonde hair came and looked pleased. Slytherin. Not gonna go easy on this guy. We had a history. Not a good one. We walked to an empty area. Everyone turned to watch us.

"Hows Sarah, Potter!" Malfoy sneered.

I got pissed. I pulled out my IPod and I plugged it into my ears and started "This Moment" by Disturbed.

You won't remember this moment as you dig into me!

"Bow"

We bowed and walked to our positions.

No you can't reneg!

I'd love to see you beg!

"Begin."

He set a hex at me immediately.

I hope you savor this moment as you are still on your feet.

"Protego!" spell gone I yelled "Expelliarmus!" missed just barely.

Don't you question how I stand above you!

He sent a stunning spell but I quickly did the slashing movement to banish it. "Bombarda!" I pointed to the middle.

I deem this moment as you run away!

Smoke and rock filled the area between us. I jumped into it with a Protection Charm.

Now you know the answer save yourself from danger!

I burst through and sent three stunning spells 2 of which hit Malfoy in the chest. He flew and hit a group of Slytherins behind him.

Your the one who kept on pushing till I made you bleed!

I took out my headphones to hear cheering. I didn't care. My self teaching was paying off.


	24. Chapter 24

Chap 24 - Quidditch and Sad lilies

As weeks went by, I chose older students. My record is 10 - 1. My loss was against the brightest student of our school that year. He had watched all my matches so he knew how I dueled. This meant I was getting way to predictable. I needed an edge but everywhere I looked I couldn't find a way. I know there is one. Just finding it that was a problem.

Besides dueling, Quidditch season was approaching which meant try outs were starting. The Gryffindor team had lost 6 of their players because they all graduated. Sirius was really excited. Me? Well I was never one to play on team. Just pick up as a hobby you know.

"James!"

"I know Sirius you're excited for Quidditch!"

We were in the Great Hall for breakfast.

"No! Lily is going out for the team!" he was smiling.

"What?"

Why would Lily tryout? Of all things she seemed more like a book reader, Head Girl type.

"I've got an idea."

"No! Look where your last idea landed me."

"Right. Well why don't you try out for the team. Show her you aren't just smarty but athletic too."

That was sounding more like the "pure-blood expectation." Then again what better way to show her what I can do with her not talking to me?

"Fine. I'll have my mom send me my broom."

I looked over to the Slytherin table. There Lily was sitting with Snape and his buddies. She didn't seem happy.

Cause she is with Snape you dunderhead. She's Mrs. Potter remember?

I just kept staring at her. Then Snape's eyes met mine. I could see hatred in those eyes. Then he smirked turned and kissed Lily on the lips. Hatred and jealously burned inside of me. But I noticed that Lily seemed to not enjoy it. When they pulled away from each other she didn't even smile. What is going on. I thought it over.

1. They weren't together on the train.

2. If they were together she seemed to be distant

3. She didn't enjoy kissing him

4. She was trying out for a team that Snape despised

5. She looked up the song I had mentioned to Sirius on the train

Love makes no sense.


	25. Chapter 25

Chap 25 - Making a Point

Two weeks later Sirius and I were heading to the Quidditch pitch. As we walked through the entrance I heard a yelling Lily. Sirius was deaf to it. I told him to go ahead and went out to where Lily and Snape usually hung out, a tree by the Black Lake.

"... Sev I wanna try out!"

"Lily I said no!"

"I don't care what you say! I'm trying out!"

"Lily, if you tryout you know what will happen!"

"I don't care! Hit me all you want!"

I heard thump and Lily scream. That pushed me over the edge.

"Expelliarmus!"

Snape's wand flew to me. He looked over at the source and was shocked.

"Levicorpus!"

He flew into the air.

"Listen you greasy haired git. You hit Lily ONE more time. I will curse you to oblivion. You got that?"

"Potter let him go!"

I stared at her. What the hell!

"Why do you keep getting involved?" She was screaming at me.

I didn't care.

"Time to clean him off." I flew him over the Black Lake despite Lily's protests. I had to make my point to this son of a bitch. "You should take more showers Snivellus.". I was pissed. Now I don't regret doing what I had last year. I dropped him into the lake.

"POTTER!"

"Shut it Lily." I walked straight to her. "Now you listen here. I will KILL anyone who hurts, scratch that, anyone who even says anything bad about you, whether you like it or not. I don't get why you still care for that idiot in the lake but I'll be waiting forever. I think you'll remember this line, "you're love is mine for the taking""

She just kept looking at me.

"You're gonna be late for tryouts." It killed me to walk away. We close enough to kiss. Well. One good thing came out of the morning. I kicked Snivellus' ass. I smiled as I thought about him gasping for breath in the Lake.


	26. Chapter 26

Chap 26 - Tryouts

I made it to the Quiditch pitch about 5 minutes before tryouts started. Lily made it just in the nick of time. I could see a bruise forming on her arm. I assume she had blocked the hit with her arm.

"Where have you been?"

I decided to keep Lily's secret.

"Forgot my wand in my room."

"Why the hell do you need a wand."

"To Confundus anyone who is better than you," I started laughing.

"HEY! I'm not that bad!"

"Sure Sirius."

"Attention Gryffindors! My name is Felix Gold. I am the the captain this year. Will those trying out for the Chaser position go to the north side of the field. Beaters to the east. Keepers to the west. Lastly, Seekers to the south side."

This guy was very organized. He did the Chasers first. Lily was in the group. I watched her fly. She was fantastic. Sirius gave me a look that said, "Dude WHAT THE HELL". There were two positions available. She was so gtting on the team. I have to get on the team now. If I had Quidditch practice with her it mean more time with her. Maybe I'll grow on her.

Next came the Beaters. This is where Sirius was. He was clearly the best. He sent Bludgers at the Felix that he was having difficulty dodging. Sirius was on for sure.

Keepers had had their turn with the Chasers. There three possibilities. We wouldn't find out who till much later.

It was approaching noon when Felix finally reached me and the rest of the people trying out for the Seeker position. He lead us to the center of the field. Everyone went one by one and Felix just threw golf balls into the air. In the end it was me and two other guys left.

"Alright, time for the snitch. Whose first? Kingsly? Alright."

He released the snitch and started the clock. It took Shacklebolt three minutes to catch it. For an empty field that was average.

"Chris."

He finished in four minutes 33 seconds. One down.

"James!"

I kicked off the ground as he released the snitch. The other made the mistake of not watching it as it was released. I caught it in a minute 30. I was the new seeker. As celebration I started releasing the snitch and catching it behind the back, under my legs, everything I could think of. Then I saw Lily staring at me, not with curiosity but hatred. My stomach plummeted. I landed and walked to the changing rooms. As I left for my dorm I saw Lily with Snape. Holding hands. The joy of my day just stopped there.


	27. Chapter 27

Chap 27 - Unsent Letter #10

Hey Lily,

I don't know if you will remember this but I just saw something I don't understand. If you could explain it to me it would put my mind to peace.

I just saw Snape hit you. He hit you for going out for the Gryffindor team. Most girls (and I know this cause I asked them) would have kicked him in the balls. When I dropped him in the lake you were screaming at me. The guy who just stopped him from hitting you more. On top of that, after Quidditch tryouts you were holding his hand again.

Lily I saw you guys kiss and the fact that you didn't like it. I know you looked up "Whispers in the "Dark" and yet you still fight me. I don't understand. If you could explain that would be great.

Sirius broke up with his girlfriend. He told me he couldn't be any girl right now because he only liked one of them. It happens to be Natalie. Yeah. Your Natalie. Funny huh?

Well I hope you are having a good winter break.

I Love You,

James


	28. Chapter 28

Chap 28 - Quidditch Practice and Cloaks

It was January and we could all feel it. The snow coated the ground as if it were a blanket and the trees were without leaves. Yet there was an uncanny beauty to it all.

Felix was working us hard. He wanted us prepared for every bit of weather possible. He claimed that since their next oldest student was a 5th year who had JUST joined the team, they needed to be trained harder for next year. Luckily , Sirius didn't make me work out because he knew I was being worked out enough.

On our 5th practice I noticed Snape in the stands.

"FELIX!"

"What is it James."

"We've got a Slytherin." I pointed to Snape.

Felix flew up to Snape and after what seemed like a heated discussion Snape left. During the captain's absence Lily flew to me.

"You know why he's here."

"He hit you." I responded quietly. "He doesn't deserve you."

"He regretted hitting me."

I was surprised. Was she actually trusting me?

"Guys always say that." I said as the painful memory of my father came back.

"So you could be just saying you like me but have very different intentions." I could feel her staring at me.

"I could. I don't. I just know I really like you Lily. I won't call it love because I don't know. I just know you are special to me and I won't let anything hurt you." As I said this I looked straight into her eyes.

It seemed she was satisfied because she flew away. Then I looked to see Snape was leaving and I understood that's why she left. She was actually talking to me. Despite her screaming that day she was actually talking to me and discussing Snape with me.

After practice I saw her with Snape again. Snape seemed furious.

"Sirius here take this up to the room. I have stuff to do." I said as I took out the Invisibility Cloak that my grandfather gave me for that Christmas.

The past of this cloak is not as stained as the other parts but people have fought for it. Use this to protect those you love. Be careful.

"Sirius didn't ask any questions. I put on the cloak and followed lily"

I noticed they were walking outside the castle not their usual spot by the tree near the lake

but to the dark forest. Lily was a little worried, I could tell, but she kept her chin up...brave girl. Once they were at the edge of the forest Snape began to speak.

"You didn't help me stay"

"He's my team captain...nothing I could really do"

"So are you going to be his bitch? What, do you fuck him after practice?"

"Sev...please don't say that... you know I like you...Its just I get why he's worried"

SMACK

"You think I would betray you. huh Lils?"

Lily looked at snape in shock. I had to use all my restraint from kicking his ass.

"No. Sev. its just they don't know you like I do, they don't understand."

I could see tears form in Lily's eyes. What an idiot. He has the most perfect thing in the world and he's abusing it instead of comforting her and wiping her tears away, he glares at her.

"You never spend time with me anymore. Always with your shitty people"

"Sev please... I'm one of them too... and its not like you're not avoiding me. Malfoy and them don't want me around...you listen to that..."

I could see Lily plead with him. I really couldn't endure much more but I had to. I knew she'd get pissed if I interfered.

"I want you." he said

"You what?"

"I want you" he repeated

"Well...you kind of have me already"

"Not like that you whore." Snape pushed Lily against the tree and used his wand to bind her arms and feet and mouth "I want your body"

Lily was screaming for help and looked at me, I knew she could see me. She was begging me to help but I stood there like an idiot. It took me a while to process things but when I saw Snape roaming his hands all over her body it finally clicked.

"Diffin..."

"PROTEGO"

I appeared right in front of Lily as the spell bounced away.

"Didn't learn your lesson did you Snivellus?" I took off my cloak and stood straight up. We were the same height, I just looked taller because of my messy hair.

He stared at me with pure hatred. I saw something else. It wasn't rage, nor was it hunger. It was a spark. As if e was defending his territory.

"Potter... leave. This is between boyfriend and girlfriend."

I took out my wand slowly and methodically.

"Do you really think she'll be your girlfriend much longer?"

"Potter she chose me. Out of all the boys in school. she chose me. Ok? Get it? So please stop trying to take her from me with your cheesy pick up lines she would never go with trash like you."

"Ever had an abusive father Snivellus?"

He looked at me enraged.

"Did you not hear me? She's mine get out of my way!"

"I did. He's the reason my mom is never gonna trust men again. Like me. Do you know how it feels?"

"Want sympathy Potter. You're filthy stinking rich. So shut the fuck up and let me speak to my girlfriend!" He raised his wand. "Stup..."

I banished the spell.

"You know what Potter? I think your jealous I think your jealous that the rich boy doesn't always get what he wants."

"She's not an fucking object!"

"Leave us alone. We were in the middle of discussing certain things" Snape's lips curled up into a grin.

"Tsk tsk tsk. It looks like you wanted to do more than, uh, "talk." Untie Lily now."

"Make me."

I smiled. "I thought you would never ask." I pointed my wand at him and mocked bowed him. "Shall we."

He sent a plethora of curses at me in response but I lazily sent them away.

"Nice try Snivellus."

"STOP CALLING ME THAT!" He screamed and sent a curse at me that I blocked but barely. It looks like emotion makes spells stronger. Better finish this before it gets ugly. I saw behind him was softer ground. If i could get him there I could trap him in the ground. I flicked my wand and went on the offense. I sent spell after spell at him backing him up far enough so that he would be exactly where I wanted him to be. Once I got him there I cried, "Reducto!" and he sank into the ground. "Explliarmus!" his wand came to me and I just dropped it. I ran to Lily, untied her and ripped the cloth off her mouth.

"Shhh you're safe." She was sobbing into my shirt. I grabbed my cloak and covered us both. I quietly walked her up the steps to the castle.


	29. Chapter 29

Chap 29 - Astronomy Tower

When we got to the portrait of the Fat Lady Lily spoke for the first time since Snape covered he mouth.

"Can we just sit somewhere?"

"Of course."

I took her to the tallest Astronomy Tower. When we got there she gasped.

"It's beautiful."

I just looked at her and said "Yes it is."

She noticed me looking at her and blushed crimson.

"I'm not..."

"I disagree." I wanted to say more but my gut told me not to.

She just sat down and started to cry into her knees. I sat down across from her. I don't want her to think I'm taking advantage of her. She looked up at me.

"Why sit there? You might as well leave."

"I... I don't want you to think I'm taking advantage of the situation. You know you would pull that on me."

She looked at me thoughtfully. "Yeah I would. Well I'm asking you. Please come sit next to me."

I went over to her and she immediately put her head into my chest. I wrapped my arms around her to keep her warm. I used my foot to pull the Cloak to me and covered us. Surprisingly the Cloak was very warm so it could serve as a blanket. I could hear Lily's breath slow down to a pace that told me she was sleeping. I closed my eyes and thought if only this could happen every night. I fell asleep with Lily Evans soon to be Lily Potter in my arms.


	30. Chapter 30

Chap 30 - Friends

I woke up feeling something shifting on my chest. I kept my eyes closed thinking it was all a dream. The shifting became more agitated.

"Sirius stop... I wanna sleep..." I mumbled

No response. Sirius never failed to take an opportunity to yell. Why now? I opened my eyes and the first thing I noticed was I was outside. I felt my insides go cold. If I was outside that means... I looked down and saw Lily Evans sleeping soundly on my chest.

"SWEET MOTHER OF MERLIN!"

This woke Lily up with a start. She looked at me then at her surrounding repeating the process several times.

"HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED!"

Her face went from shock to sadness as she realized what had happened the night before. Just like that she was clutching onto my shirt as if for dear life and started crying into it again. I just wrapped my arms around her. Luckily it was Sunday so there was no class.

"I can't believe he did that! He was so good to me first year. Then Malfoy came and everything got ruined... I thought... I thought he would be with me forever..."

"I know the feeling."

"What do you mean?"

"You'll find out soon enough." I kept the letters secret. I didn't want her to think I was a freak.

"We better go... Natalie is probably flipping out."

I looked at her with longing. "Fine." We both got up , I covered us both with the Cloak and we made our way to the common room. Outside the portrait I took the Cloak off and we just stood there. I kept my eyes down. Then Lily began to speak:

"James. This changes everything between us. You protected me from more pain than you'll ever know. I'm sorry for how I treated you for the last couple months. I've been a bitch but it's because I wanted to protect my boyfriend. You can't say you didn't deserve it. All that aside. I'm sorry. Friends?" she stuck out her hand. I looked at it and then looked back at her. I took her hand and kissed it.

"No. Lily I like you a lot more than a friend. I think that us being friends will just end up in a mess."

She looked but she also seemed to understand.

"Alright. So where do we stand?"

"I will do whatever it takes to have you as my girlfriend. Until then I'll be watching you. Taking care of you."

"Fine."

With that she turned around and walked into the common room. I could hear Natalie scream her name. I'm going to assume Lily will tell her everything and walked in after her.

Things were looking better.


	31. Chapter 31

Chap 31 - Rumors and Back Together

Things were great until the end of February. I have no idea what I did wrong but maybe I'll be able to figure it out.

I guess you could say it started with Ruby. Ruby happened to be a really good friend of mine. During breakfast every morning I'd tease her, tickle her, and just have fun. I was like this with a couple girls. Rumors began to spread that I was with six girls at one time and so my rep became that of a player. They were just my friends and we had fun messing around. My close friends, including the girls, knew it wasn't true so they weren't bugged by it to much. I didn't notice Lily watching me everyday when this happened. One month after what Snape had done to her, Snape announced to the Great Hall that Lily Evans had slept with James Potter. That's when stuff really went down hill. Lily and I both denied it, but the more we denied the more people thought it was true. I was getting into more detentions because I would hear people call Lily a whore or a slut and I'd hex them. I could see Lily's eyes being bloodshot from crying more often. She didn't deserve to cry.

Sometime in the middle of March I got a real shocker. During breakfast one morning Lily walked up to me while I was with Ruby.

"James!"

"Hey Lily!" I smiled at her only to be glared at. "What's wrong?"

"Sev told me you paid him to tell everyone that we slept together." I could hear her voice tremble from self-restraint.

"And you believed him!"

"It makes sense. You would do that. Try and make me one of your whores who chase you around like her." She nodded towards Ruby.

Ruby got up. "What did you just say bitch?"

I got up quick. If Ruby got mad it would not be good for Lily. Ruby was brilliant witch that was under estimated by our whole year.

"Ruby. Relax. Lily can we talk outside?"

She just turned around and walked to the grounds. I grabbed my stuff and ran after her.

"Lily. How could you believe Snape? He tried to rape you for Merlin's sake!"

"You dared him too."

"What the hell? I can't believe you're buying the shit coming out of his mouth!"

SLAP!

My cheeks burned and the blood rushed to where I had been hit. It took all the effort I had in my body not to hex her for it.

"Don't you say anything bad about my boyfriend!"

I just stared at her. Despite everything he had done. She was running back to him. Why?

"You're to...toge... together?"

"Yes."

"Better tell Remus to hurry up then."

With that I just turned around and went back to my friends. I didn't eat the rest of the day. I ditched practice and stayed on my bed all day. One thing bugged me out of all this:

How easily had she forgotten the difference between what Snape had done to her and what I had done for her?

I told Remus to finish the map. I don't trust Snape. I needed to watch her again.


	32. Chapter 32

Chap 32 - Cheater and Advice

The next couple months were pretty painful. Watching Lily with Snape despite what had happened that night was really getting to me. I kept trying to talk to Lily about it but she wouldn't talk to me anymore. Ruby was telling me to show her how lucky she is that I'm stuck on her by having me date other girls. I didn't do it. My heart was set on Lily so it wouldn't be fair for the other girls. Sirius tried to get me back in it by getting me back into pranks. That helped a bit. Remus was still disappearing once a month and Sirius and I were getting suspicious. Our research told us one thing but we couldn't believe it. Remus couldn't be a werewolf. He was so nice to everyone. If he is a werewolf, according to the books, the transformations were painful. They believe a key issue to why werewolves attack humans is they feel alienated from the world. Sirius and I were determined not to alienate Remus. In June, everything changed.

I was walking to DATDA when Natalie came running to me.

"JAMES!"

I whipped my head around. "Oh hey wassup?"

Natalie and I were good friends. I always asked her how Lily was and she began to realize everything Lily "saw" was completely false.

"Lily... She... She... Locked herself in the bathroom. I don't know what she's gonna do!"

She had to yell the last sentence because I had dropped everything and ran to the her dorm. When I got inside Lily's room I saw the bathroom door was locked.

"LILY!"

No response.

"BOMBARDA!"

Consider the situation I had even thought of just unlocking the door magically.

"Evanesco," the dust cleared away and I saw Lily pointing her wand at herself with a black book in front of her.

"OH NO YOU DON'T! EXPELLIARMUS!"

Her wand flew to me as she looked up at me. Her face contorted into rage. Did I ever mention how cute she looked when she was angry?

"JAMES POTTER GIVE ME MY WAND BACK!" She screamed. I saw her eyes were red and there were tear stains down her cheek.

"What happened!"

She just looked away.

"EVANS WHAT HAPPENED!" I walked to her gripped her by the shoulders and made her look at me.

"You were right..." she said practically inaudibly.

"What? About what?"

"Snape." At this point she just started to cry again.

"What did he do?"

"I was going to his... His room... It was his birthday... So... I go inside... And..and... On his bed..."

I figured it out. She had been cheated on.

"Who was it?"

"Patricia Parkinson."

I should have figured that out. I saw them together in the grounds at night on one my weekly walks under the Cloak.

"Lily you deserve better than him okay? Don't you think for one moment that you're worthless. It's hard getting cheated on but you had to movie. Not this," I kicked the book. "Come on," I led her to the bed and muttered "Reparo," to fix the door.

"You know. I could have just used the Unlocking spell hub?"

She giggled through her tears, smiled and nodded her head.

"There she is. That's the Lily we know and love."

Natalie just walked in.

"Well my job here is done." I bowed to Natalie. "Keep me updated?"

She nodded and said, "Of course."

With that I walked to the Great Hall. Class was probably over. I went to my usual table where Sirius, Remus, and Peter were stuffing their faces. They saw me and instantly swallowed their food.

"Where were you?"

"Dealing with something important." I said it in a way that made them stop any intention to question me further. We ate and we joked but as we were leaving Remus pulled me to the side.

"I got the map working."

"REALLY! That's brilliant Remus!"

"I know where you were."

My face went blank right there.

"I've stood by and let Sirius tell you how to get Lily knowing it wouldn't work hoping you would realize it wouldn't work hut you didn't. Now that you are on Lily's good side again it's time I told you. You've got to stop chasing her."

"But..."

"Shut up and listen. If you love her. Stop chasing her. Give her space. She needs to understand you love her. Not just know it. I'll see you upstairs."

I just stood there as he walked away. Surely Lily knew I loved her by now? But if I mess up now she'll hate me again. I went upstairs still deep in thought. When I got into the common room I saw Lily on the couch. She wasn't alone.

Remus was right.


	33. Chapter 33

Chap 33 - The Cut

There she was. Sitting on the couch. Well not on the couch more like on Frank Longbottom's lap snogging him. Her legs were wrapped around his waist, her arms around his neck. I looked around I saw Alice looking murderous but I didn't see Natalie anywhere. I gave up my search (Lily hadn't stopped) and just walked upstairs to my bed. I put my wand on the table and sat down on my bed trying to rid myself of what I had just seen.

Why? Why was she with him. She just fucking broke up with Snivellus.

Exactly. She's hurt. She is trying to heal.

Why him! Why not me!

Why not him?

I stared at the wall.

Is there something wrong with me? Did I do something wrong? I remembered what Remus had told me. I chased her and that pushed her away? That makes no sense. Every girl here would love it if I chased them.

Isn't that something you love about Lily? Her independence?

But what do I lack? There has to be something wrong with me. What does Frank and Snivellus have that I don't?

Well she probably hates pure-bloods now.

I looked down at my veins and then to my wand.

1 hour later I heard footsteps coming and then the door open as I muttered "Scourfigy."

"Hey buddy."

It was Sirius.

"Hey." I responded weakly and sat down trying to muster some strength.

"You okay?"

I could feel the worry in his words.

"Yeah I'm fine."

He walked over to me and sat down on the bed in front of me. I looked away.

"Dude you are pale as the dead. What the he'll happened?"

"Nothing just a little sick."

His eyes caught something on the hem of my shirt.

"What's that?" he reached out to my shirt and saw there was a blood stain on the cuff. His face went from worry to anger. He punched me in the nose.

"IT'S SOME GIRL YOU IDIOT! ITS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD YOU FUCKING RETARD."

I just looked down ashamed.

"DID YOU NOT THINK WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO YOUR FRIENDS? WE'VE GOT TO HELP REMUS TOO. HOW ABOUT YOUR DUTIES TO REMUS HUH?"

"I'm sorry..." I mumbled.

"YOU EVER FUCKING DO THIS AGAIN I WILL PERSONALLY BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!" He heaved.

"Sorry..."

"You better be. Now let's go see Pomfrey about that nose."

"Your fault..."

"Oh shut it. You had it coming stupid." he grabbed me into a headlock and noogied me.

I feel so stupid. I have brilliant friends. Sirius is right. Its not the end of the world. I've got my friends to take care of and take care of me.


End file.
